Archive for September, 2004

I have the powwweerrrrrrrrrrrr!

Monday, September 27th, 2004

Note to Howard Dean, author of How to Take Back Our Country and Restore Democracy in America, and anyone else who is confused as to the definition of democracy: “restoring democracy” and “restoring Democrats to power” are not synonymous concepts. The distinction is so simple even George Bush can understand it.

Is it too much to ask?

Monday, September 20th, 2004

Dear ABC Sports:

Has it escaped your attention that Terry Bowden is the worst color commentator in sports broadcasting? It is extraordinary, don’t you think, for a former coach and player to have so little knowledge, understanding or insight to pass along to the TV audience. It’s almost as if he has no football training at all. I lost count of the number of times he had to be corrected by his co-hosts on simple aspects of the Oklahoma – Oregon game. His commentary was a distraction from an otherwise entertaining afternoon of college football. Please get rid of him.

Sincerely,

Fitz-Hume

Programming Note

Monday, September 13th, 2004

Alright, here’s the deal. I still don’t have the internet at home. Take it from me: Verizon DSL sucks. I figured, “What’s the difference between cable and DSL?” Well, it turns out there’s a huge difference, because I can’t get the DSL installation cd to run properly. So, what I have is worse than dial-up, because at least dial-up eventually dials up to wherever it’s dialing. Basically what happens is this. Every time — I’m not exaggerating; I mean literally ever single time — I click on a link, I get the “cannot find server” error page. Maybe, maybe, if the thing feels like being nice to me, if I hit “refresh” it eventually loads correctly. So, sending an email or doing something that requires information to re-load over several pages (like, I don’t know, say, blogging) is impossible, because it won’t remember the stuff I entered on the previous page by the time the new one loads properly. In the end, I end up spending so much time trying to do simple stuff like sending a dang email that I can’t get anything else done.

Now, I know that in theory I could have been doing what I’m doing now, which is writing posts at home and posting them at work. But, (a) I’ve only been working a few days, and I’m trying to look like a busy bee for a while, and (b) I sort of have this hope that the Verizon thing will clear up sooner or later. Seriously, though, this has been going on for over a week and it’s freaking ridiculous.

So, I’ve already made an appointment with the cable company for cable internet, and I’m going to cancel my Verizon service as soon as that’s set up. But, the bad news is that it will probably be a couple of weeks before I’m fully up and running at home. Until then, I’m going to write at home and post at work.

What that means is that my posts might have fewer links that I would like, both because of the time and propriety of linking to certain things from work. If Fitz gets especially bored, he might want to fill in some spots, but I don’t expect him to, and I figure everyone will muddle through.

As for my guest-bloggers, I can’t put into words how appreciative I am of their help. Clearly, this place would have been a ghost town and we would probably have lost almost all our readers had it not been for them. But I’m finally releasing them from any further service here. I can’t keep using them as a crutch. I probably won’t get around to removing them from the blog contributor list for a few more days, so if they have anything more to say, feel free to post away. But, for better or worse, I think I’m back in business. Stay tuned.

Wha?

Tuesday, September 7th, 2004

This was my night:

3:14 a.m.

BEEP

I get up and wander around room looking for pants.

BEEP

Turn off speakers on computer (the computer isn’t even on, but god the Beeping is loud).

BEEP

Unplug printer/scanner from wall.

BEEP

Stare at smoke detector trying to decide if that’s where it’s coming from.

BEEP

Keep staring, wonder what to do, it’s the middle of the night.

BEEP

Hope parents will wake up and come fix it, lie in fetal position…just hoping.

BEEP

No luck.

BEEP

Go to parents room, press ear against door, knock quietly — no answer.

BEEP

Open door just a crack and get mowed down by Molly the Satanic Dog who thinks it’s Middle of the Night Playtime.

BEEP

“Mom…Dad…my room is beeping.”

BEEP

My dad goes “Alright…I’m up…what’s going on…what beeping? I don’t smell a fire? Is there a fire? What beeping?”

BEEP

“I think the battery is dead or something.”

BEEP

Dad gets ladder out of garage and blearily takes 9V battery out of smoke detector which also has a little extra power storage thingie in it to let it beep after the battery is out.

I say “Why can’t they just let us take out the battery and have it be quiet?”

Dad: “Because then people would take the batteries out and not use their smoke detectors” (Leave it to him to be the voice of reason at 3:30 a.m.)

Me: “But we’re smart…we wouldn’t do that….”

Dad: “That’s what a lot of extra crispy people said too.”

BEEP…BEep…Beep…beep…b e e p….

When all is said and done it is 3:31 a.m. and I can’t go back to sleep, so I read another chapter in my trashy romance novel and finally fall back to sleep only to dream about EFFING FINANCIAL AID. Oh god, will the pain never end?

There will be another installment of “How Financial Aid Ruined My Life and Forced Me to Become a Two-Dollar Whore to Pay for Law School” upcoming soon…I’m waiting for them to email me back today and tell me just how bad they’ve screwed me over (and from them, I probably won’t even get the two bucks, those bastards). Fun!

The bright spot of the day is that I cancelled my truck reservation with evil U-haul and got a reservation through Budget, a company that will actually guarantee that you will have a truck on the morning you need it if you reserve one ahead of time — imagine that!?! So, Friday is move all the stuff from the storage unit and my parent’s attic into the truck day, and Saturday at the crack of dawn I head back to TVPNM to start another fabulous year of law school…just like in Grease 2 but without the singing and dancing and attractive foreign man looking for a girl that wants a Cool Rider.